When you think of Aerosmith’s Tom Hamilton, chances are you picture the tall, cool bassist holding down the groove on classics like Sweet Emotion or Livin’ on the Edge. But hidden behind the amps and basslines lies one of rock’s strangest, funniest side projects: a line of plush toys called Obscenies.
Yes, you read that right—Tom Hamilton once invented “dirty Beanie Babies.” And the saga of how they came to life is as hilarious as it is improbable.
From Beanie Babies to “Obscene Babies”
It all started in the late ’90s when Hamilton’s kids were obsessed with Beanie Babies. Alongside the official craze came spoofs like Meanie Babies, and Tom’s mind went one step further: “What if there were obscene Beanie Babies?”
Armed with a sense of humour only a rock star dad could have, he began sketching out characters with cheeky names. Soon there was Scrotilla the Hun (a barbarian with mighty… well, you get it), Robin Red Breasts (a busty bird), The Penisaurus, and the eternally grinning Mr. Happy. Each doll would come with a bawdy limerick penned by Tom himself, wrapped in the tagline: “Too Cute To Be Nasty.”
Lawsuits, School Trouble, and a Shelved Dream
Hamilton invested in about 7,500 plush dolls, had them made in China, and even printed guitar picks with the website Obscenies.com. But then the trouble began.
First came the lawyers. Ty Inc.—makers of Beanie Babies—didn’t find the parody funny and threatened legal action. Tom had to drop the original name “Obscenie Babies” (sometimes written “Obsenities”) and rebrand simply as Obscenies.
Then came the real crisis. One of Tom’s sons smuggled a few dolls to his fifth-grade class. Teachers were horrified, the principal got involved, and Tom’s wife told him in no uncertain terms that the toys had to disappear. So in 2003, he pulled the plug and put thousands of Obscenies into storage.
Cult Status and Rock ’n’ Roll Jokes
For years, Obscenies existed only as a rumour among Aerosmith fans. A few tour guitar picks, whispers on fan boards, and the odd sighting of plush dolls in Tom’s dressing room kept the legend alive.
By 2013, Hamilton finally spilled the beans in interviews. He laughed about his “dirty Beanie Babies,” admitted he had no idea how to sell them, and even joked about tossing them out into the crowd at Aerosmith gigs. Fans loved it, but the toys were still locked away.
Obscenies Rise Again
Fast-forward to 2015, with Tom’s kids grown up and less embarrassed. He re-launched the project online at Obscenies.net, teasing fans on social media with lines like “Time to get Obscenies bubbling again! I can feel it rising… uh… wait a minute…”
This time, the timing was better. In 2021, Tom’s company Thinkin’ Shack, LLC officially trademarked the Obscenies brand, covering plush toys, clothing, keychains, and more. No lawyers to stop him this time.
Today’s Naughty Plush Empire
Now, more than two decades after their first birth, Obscenies are alive and well. The official store offers the full gang of plush dolls along with boxer shorts, coin purses, holiday ornaments, and clip-on keychains. The quality is surprisingly good for what started as a rock ’n’ roll joke, and the humour is still classic Tom Hamilton: playful, cheeky, and never mean-spirited.
As Tom himself says, “I came up with it, I’m proud to offer it to a world in need of a laugh.”
So next time you think of Aerosmith’s bassist, don’t just picture the man with the low-end thunder. Picture him surrounded by thousands of stuffed plushies with names you can’t say with a straight face. That’s Obscenies—a side hustle too bizarre to die.
Want to grab one? You actually can. Just head over to Obscenies.net—and remember the tagline: Too Cute To Be Nasty.
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